Random thoughts..

Is it that you need to fight always... or is swallowing the pride an option??

Is it that you need to compete... or is losing an option??

Is it that you need to do everything right... or is guilt an option??

Is it that you need to survive somehow always... or is death an option??

P.S. I am not depressed, just to clarify.

Brickbats are welcomed...

Bus bahut ho gaya.. I am into one of my cribbing modes today.. have to vent out my anger yaar..
Okay, I have not blogged since long.. and this are not nice blog netiquettes to greet thodhe bahut readers that I have with a cribbing post after such a long time.. But there is a lot more to be done on my part to attain that Brahman stage where everything seems nice.. So till that time , Crib it will be :p

So, onto my cribbing.. I was co-ordinating shifting of the girls of my college from one hostel block to another.. I know I have that managing ppl.. and leading them “kidha” (insect) in me, so just couldn’t sit down and let things happen.. I took the charge and was helping/coordinating the girls..
Now girls as they are.. oops.. most of the girls as they are ( before some of my friends start pulling my leg) just lack some basic level of common sense plus are never decent when they have to interact with people of their own sex. And because of that, I had to bear the brunt of their angst and fury if they encountered any problem in shifting.. Imagine, a person having around 3 years of exp in industry coming down at me saying that her ac remote has been stolen.. Common man, am I responsible for something being stolen from your room. You have the room keys with you, you let your room open.. but it was my responsibility .. good.. I am helping you out guys and if you lost it.. we can sort it out.. but coming down and shouting for this.. I already feel sad for whoever her husband would be..
Then there was this girl who came to me and asked for the keys for her room just as I was eating something in the cafeteria.. Oh yes.. I am supposed to carry all the room keys to cafeteria .. Its like keys would value add to the taste of the food.. girl, give me a break.. at least let me have my cup of tea.. I asked her to meet me in hostel and she doesn’t turn up take the key.. Oops .. was it like she expected me to come to cafeteria with her keys and give her the keys there?.. leave it chalo…
One girl had a broken key ring, the implication of which was that by seeing the key, you couldn’t tell which room it belonged to.. I asked the girls who had given me that key so that I can mark it with designated room no. No response.. I then tallied for all the keys for all the rooms and after half an hour came to know of the room for that key.. When I asked the occupant of the room about it.. She was like .. Oops.. I forgot.. Oops my foot!!

Okay .. some of you would now be like.. Been there done that.. Whats new in it.. everybody faces such kind of issues.. and its really irritating to read somebody doling out crap about some crappy people.. what the hell .. I don’t even give a shit if there r some ppl like that..

Brickbats are welcomed.. Infact I need one of them to bang my head against them.. Coz I am going crazy living with the shit around me..

P.S Hoping to have a thought provoking.. or humorous, lively post next time.. pakka..
BTW, I know I’ll still help those girls.. and not all are bad.. Some are Saatvik.. Some are Raajsik.. and I am the sheep lion ;) .. no I am the loon.. talking such crazy stuff..

Hi5 Again!!

Ok, so I know that it is not right to live in a fantasy world and to get out of my illusions - I must know 5 things that I would like to do before I die, So here they are ..not necessarily priority wise..
Vaise 5 is such a small number for a to - do list but then have decided upon this figure so here they are:

1. Read all the books that I have always wanted to.. and that includes all literature ever written.. Hindi.. English.. Bengali.. etc heck yaar.. Eng/Hindi literature ka course kyu ni kar leti DU se.. * sigh *

2. Perform on a rock concert where I am playing drums.Oh yeah.. guitar was my first choice initially but have tried my hands on it and it is very difficult.. wont be possible for me in this lifetime.. so drums.. and just thinking about female drummer gives me a nice feeling.. Women emancipation types.. huh!! don't ask me why !! and yes, this feeling has grown after watching ROCK on!! playing drums wali pheeling!! * wink*

3. Go an an all paid by somebody * gives a devilish smile * -- ok, that somebody can be my own ABN AMRO account - cruise or all month around the world type of trip in
full luxury and 5 places that I would like to visit (* head going in circles (mujhe chakkar aa rahe hai )as this is now loop in the loop ) - Australia - Miami - lakshwadeep - Las Vegas - San Jose ( this is where my company HQ is - Please company walo , ek baar US bhej do - I would really like to meet those people whom i work with)

4. Write a novel (* seems like i am high on vodka*) yeah I know. creative juices have stopped flowing through me since engg fundas started to push themselves against me and my english too seems to be in shackles .. very pathetic.. wonder would it ever be possible for me to write a breathtaking fictional piece which would be on best seller list (* one more sigh*)

5. Get a patent or a Nobel Prize for some breathtaking research that would change the face of mankind - as I am writing this, me too feeling stupid but then ye idea tedha hai par mera hai.. tenuu ki..

The Falls

Just read these lines from "The Falls" and thought of posting them:

Ariah to Royall -after Royall called off his marriage with Candace:
"A girl that pretty, you've let go. A girl with such pure, uncomplicated heart, and so --sweet"

"Christ sake , Mom! If I wanted a 'sweet' wife I'd marry a chocolate bunny. I'd go to bed with fucking Fannie Farmer!
I want a wife I can talk to, for Christ's sake. Talk to, and laugh with. A wife who's smarter than I am, not dumber. A wife for when I'm older, and ready. A wife who doesn't want me to get a 'real' job at a fucking chemical plant and destroy my fucking brain cells, what few I have. A wife who's -----talented . At some thing I'm not"

My parents arranged a meeting with a prospective guy this weekend.
I asked him what kind of girl he wanted ---
"A sweet simple understanding pretty and sensible girl"
--thats it!! Does her education n background dont matter??
"ahh yes.. she should be educated.. She should be able to teach my children well!!"

GRRRRRRRR!!!!!
All this from a Guy who was a DCE topper!

I guess I have to force myself to accept that my expectations could only be met through these bookish characters!! Real life people dont seem to have good brains!!

Whatever!!

So now I started reading how to cool a dissatisfied mind etc stuff to ease out my worries.. Sometimes I really wonder when I hear views from some of my so called intellectual acquaintances say how their other half should be.
They say - they want a shy demure beautiful homely girl.. and yes she should not be of their intellectual level.. although they dont say this but they do want this..
Common, a dumb blonde like that - would ofcourse know how to keep your home beautiful but would you like spending your life with a dumb statue who wont even intellectually stimulate you, who you know would only be able to listen to your problems and not understand them and wont be able to help you with that.. who you know wont be able to teach your children the importance of studies.. she herself has hardly any academic feat to inspire.. is that what a life partner is for.. to look nice when she is beside your arm.. and not to share and understand you..

2 hoots to all those guys who are looking for a pretty face partner..

I dont want to go to a studio to click some matrimonial pics..

The guys who my father is talking to abt my marriage first want to see my photograph to consider me in their list.. and My dad wants me to go to a studio and click some nice pics..

Looks looks looks.. does that all matter when you are searching your partner..

Boohoo and one more hoo for you all!!

Confusions Cornucopia

My life is full of confusions and self doubts right now [ what a pathetic way to start a blog post!! hmff ]
Na sachi.. I am not in my senses or so it seems with the way I am shaping up my life..
My dad is looking for Mr right for me.. and he is trying very hard to find the perfect one.. But every single person he comes up with and discusses with me.. I never seem satisfied.. I want him to try harder and find the best..

Now this is what is bothering me.. I want him to find the best while all my life when I had to do something for myself , I had settled for mediocrity instead of trying harder..
I settled for a mediocrity when I decided to join a State college instead of preparing for IIT..
I settled for mediocrity when I took up this Quality job when I know how much more I am capable of doing..
I settled for mediocrity.. I didnt try much..

and now when my father is trying for me.. I dont want to settle for mediocrity... When I was responsible for my own actions, Mediocrity was fine but when it is somebody else , It has to be the best!!

Have i stooped that low?? To expect from others what i am myself unable to achieve?

I dont want to marry .. not now.. but seeing so much efforts my dad is making, I dont want to him to be worried and troubled over all this... I am not sure if the next guy he brings, whether I would say yes and let him be relieved of all the tensions.. I dont know what am I going to do..
Uff .. so much confusions!!

I am scared!!

I know it may sound foolsih to some people but i printed 200 pages of a book through the office printer and i am scared that i may get caught!!

There is this fear in my heart!! my heart beat is beating faster as still the paper is printing and its been 20 mins..
I just hope nobody come in here and checks out what i am doing..
and wat heck if they found who printed such a large copy from my IP!!

I dont know if main faaltu ki chinta kar rahi hoon..

I guess i have felt this fear before too!!

I dreamed four years back that i am sitting somewhere and all the people are racing and i feel that i cant compete with them.. i have lost..
I am way behind..
I feel like drowning myslef..
All have beaten me and i am left behind alone..

I am feeling the same sensation right now..

God.. i know what i am doing right now is not right but please be with me..
please stay with me!!

I know i would do this again!
But please God.. save me!!