I really feel like writing something whenever i encounter something that disturbs my mind..
I know one should not write things atleast publicily when one is disturbed or angry at somebody but then I would have rather tell these things on one's face than be a coward and write those things here..
okay.. so here is what I have thought i would write to lower my frustation level :p
- Write 5 things that i dislike about that person
- Call him/her names..huhaaa.. a name for each quality that has been written above. Like.. I hate this guy for always buttering my manager.. I call him spoon.. and then there is a person who would always speak inappropriate things about me infront of my manager..I call her loser.. then there one person whose attitude i just hate..i call him RR! - redefining rudeness.. GRRRRRRRR.. i must stop this ranting!!

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Easy Dulhan

i thought that my ordeal had ended last friday when I got married.. those shopping and packing tensions.. those pre-bridal waxings.. that 6 hour ordeal of being a statue for the make-up artist.. those 4 hours of uncomfortable postures so that the mehandi doesnt get spoilt.. that carrying 20 kg heavy burden of the lehenga for the entire night... those 2 kg earrings and those days of seperation from my beloved..
I thought I had accomplished the most ardous task and life would be easy now...

Alas!!!

Becoming the Dulhan is still an easy task...

Just like that

I was reading my past entries and realized how naive and foolish I had been in the past- living in my own fantasies , creating a picture of the rosy realities. To anyone looking at my life- it will seem perfect - a very loving husband who exactly matches the criteria I had set for my prospective groom- he is even better than I had ever thought and a cute innocent kid that fills my heart with joy whenever I look at her - a fat paying corporate job - grandparents to take care of the kid when I go to office - Everything is perfect. I should be happy. But still everyday is a bloody battle in my mind where I try to think of ways to keep my spirits happy and create a lively atmosphere for everyone at home. It takes a lot of effort to ignore the noise - ignore office politics , ignore mil rant about how incompetent I am at managing home and in general how incompetent I am - ignoring the slowness in work - ignoring the bore that I feel for the routine boring things I have to do to everyday from keeping things going haywire. It seriously takes a lot of effort to be happy. There is a passive state in which I want to sulk myself into where I just don't want to do any work and not make any effort - just see things from a higher dimension or be in a coma state where I get effected by nothing and nothing effects me. But I can't really afford that - not with a kid and a family to take care of. So, I know of my options now and since there is only option - I better gear myself for it. Be happy and look for ways to be happy. Fight that bloody battle everyday and accept that you have to put effort. There is no running away. Go, just listen to some good music now.

Hope

Every night i say this to myself.. I can deal... I want me to believe I can deal...
but i dont know why I need to deal...

Socha Na Tha

Well, these words are ringing in my ears since morning.. So many things have happened since morning that I hadn't imagined that life would turn this way.
I am not happy with one of the fronts of my life and from here I am about to take a turn- don't know where this turn would lead me.
And on the other front, I have taken a decision- which I don't know would lead me where.

In both these decisions I have observed that I take the decisions first without knowing how I would deal with the consequences. Its just that I hope that things would eventually turn out good, that God will be with me and that everything will turn out to be better than what it is now. And even if hope betrays me, I keep on taking the wrong decisions thinking that atleast 2 wrong decisions would make one of them right. Sigh!! Should I change?? I can't even say that now..

May the end be beautiful in this pursuit for happiness!

Suffocated

Two events that had happened in the last one hour have made him feel suffocated. He didn't know whether to react or stay calm. Although the events were not a big deal so he thought he should not think about them much and dismiss them as trivial but his heart was aching and he was not able to take off that heavy load off his chest. He sat to study but then again started thinking why. Its not hate that he felt, nor was he angry at circumstances. Its just that he wanted his brain to be dead for sometime - atleast till this heavyness on the heart eases a little. He just wanted it to be plain dead, no thoughts, no flashes of the past, nothing, just numb.
He had huge assignments piled up and lots of pre-readings to catch up; should make his heart dead rather than my brain. Damn, he thought..

Mausam ye Awesome Badha..

It rained last night. :)
Not that this place is a desert that is yearning for one single drop of water, infact we live very near to the sea. But the weather is just feeling so nice. I think winters are approaching. Though, heard from my friends that they don't experience winters here, but I guess I am missing the winters already and therefore hopelessly trying to experience it in the chillness in the weather.
But something is there in the weather today that is making me happy. Laughing gas maybe, but when these chilly winds strike my face, my lips automatically stretch and give away a smile.
The construction work that goes on infront of my window has stopped due to these rains and that leaves me with no disturbing noises - just the rotation of the fan, the raindrops falling, the occasional shouts by the girls in my hostel calling out somebody's name - no, I am still not able to hear the noise generated by my laptop - see how awesome my lappy is.. and yes, neither am i able to hear the sound of my breathing. I don't really understand why people make so much fuss about hearing and concentrating on this sound of breathing. Even if you are able to hear it , so what.. If you want peace of mind, you don't necessarily have to hear the sound of breathing - there are many other ways for mango people like us to feel joy and happiness , get a life come on.
Ok, I should stop digressing. The cool breeze is lifting the curtains of my window. From where I am sitting, I am seeing the swaying of the branches of trees by this wind, smelling the wet soil.
And look, How long have I stretched one single sentence - "The weather is nice" to such a long post . Hehe. MBA made me do that..

But damn.. I have to go attend a class in an AC room.. I want to sit here with the mother nature and study,Damn the AC.. Hope the sea waves come gushing at my campus, eat the ACs and go away.. sigh!!