Silver-Tongued

Socha Na Tha

2010-11-06T13:55:00.000-07:00

Well, these words are ringing in my ears since morning.. So many things have happened since morning that I hadn't imagined that life would turn this way.
I am not happy with one of the fronts of my life and from here I am about to take a turn- don't know where this turn would lead me.
And on the other front, I have taken a decision- which I don't know would lead me where.

In both these decisions I have observed that I take the decisions first without knowing how I would deal with the consequences. Its just that I hope that things would eventually turn out good, that God will be with me and that everything will turn out to be better than what it is now. And even if hope betrays me, I keep on taking the wrong decisions thinking that atleast 2 wrong decisions would make one of them right. Sigh!! Should I change?? I can't even say that now..

May the end be beautiful in this pursuit for happiness!

Suffocated

2009-10-27T10:07:00.000-07:00

Two events that had happened in the last one hour have made him feel suffocated. He didn't know whether to react or stay calm. Although the events were not a big deal so he thought he should not think about them much and dismiss them as trivial but his heart was aching and he was not able to take off that heavy load off his chest. He sat to study but then again started thinking why. Its not hate that he felt, nor was he angry at circumstances. Its just that he wanted his brain to be dead for sometime - atleast till this heavyness on the heart eases a little. He just wanted it to be plain dead, no thoughts, no flashes of the past, nothing, just numb.
He had huge assignments piled up and lots of pre-readings to catch up; should make his heart dead rather than my brain. Damn, he thought..

Mausam ye Awesome Badha..

2009-10-24T14:47:00.000-07:00

It rained last night. :)
Not that this place is a desert that is yearning for one single drop of water, infact we live very near to the sea. But the weather is just feeling so nice. I think winters are approaching. Though, heard from my friends that they don't experience winters here, but I guess I am missing the winters already and therefore hopelessly trying to experience it in the chillness in the weather.
But something is there in the weather today that is making me happy. Laughing gas maybe, but when these chilly winds strike my face, my lips automatically stretch and give away a smile.
The construction work that goes on infront of my window has stopped due to these rains and that leaves me with no disturbing noises - just the rotation of the fan, the raindrops falling, the occasional shouts by the girls in my hostel calling out somebody's name - no, I am still not able to hear the noise generated by my laptop - see how awesome my lappy is.. and yes, neither am i able to hear the sound of my breathing. I don't really understand why people make so much fuss about hearing and concentrating on this sound of breathing. Even if you are able to hear it , so what.. If you want peace of mind, you don't necessarily have to hear the sound of breathing - there are many other ways for mango people like us to feel joy and happiness , get a life come on.
Ok, I should stop digressing. The cool breeze is lifting the curtains of my window. From where I am sitting, I am seeing the swaying of the branches of trees by this wind, smelling the wet soil.
And look, How long have I stretched one single sentence - "The weather is nice" to such a long post . Hehe. MBA made me do that..

But damn.. I have to go attend a class in an AC room.. I want to sit here with the mother nature and study,Damn the AC.. Hope the sea waves come gushing at my campus, eat the ACs and go away.. sigh!!

MBAteshwari mata ke anmol vachan..

2009-10-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

Two things that I have learned here-
1. It is possible to do anything no matter how limited the time is.
I have written 12-15 pages of bakar on a subject that I know nothing about, completed huge assignments in just 1 hour, prepared and gave 8 exams in 50 hours n all went well, awake for two three nights continuously;still awake in class managing to participate in class discussions, doing FB, gtalk, playing farmville and crazy taxi,gossiping a lot with friends in this tight schedule;everything is possible, I just have to think that I have no other option but to do it and that thing gets done. That of course makes me wonder why I don't post often; I mean if I can squeeze everything, I can squeeze writing for the blog too. Well, that's because I think that is an option for me and options are not important for me.

2. In the end, its only I who matters. Everything else can be ignored. Its not that I have become materialistic and would not care for human beings around me- its just that in my quest, I have come to realize what is important and what is not. I really don't care what others are doing around me, it doesn't matter to me if others are stealing my credits, it doesn't matter to me if others bitch about me- it doesn't matter anymore. I have that one goal and its just that what matters to me.
Initially when I read Fountainhead I hated Howard Roark- that how can a person be so self absorbed that nothing in the world matters to him. Now I know that nothing in the world actually matters.

BTW, MBAs talk in point system language; hence the above post in points :)

Random thoughts..

2009-06-04T07:07:00.001-07:00

Is it that you need to fight always... or is swallowing the pride an option??

Is it that you need to compete... or is losing an option??

Is it that you need to do everything right... or is guilt an option??

Is it that you need to survive somehow always... or is death an option??

P.S. I am not depressed, just to clarify.

Brickbats are welcomed...

2009-05-27T07:32:00.000-07:00

Bus bahut ho gaya.. I am into one of my cribbing modes today.. have to vent out my anger yaar..
Okay, I have not blogged since long.. and this are not nice blog netiquettes to greet thodhe bahut readers that I have with a cribbing post after such a long time.. But there is a lot more to be done on my part to attain that Brahman stage where everything seems nice.. So till that time , Crib it will be :p

So, onto my cribbing.. I was co-ordinating shifting of the girls of my college from one hostel block to another.. I know I have that managing ppl.. and leading them “kidha” (insect) in me, so just couldn’t sit down and let things happen.. I took the charge and was helping/coordinating the girls..
Now girls as they are.. oops.. most of the girls as they are ( before some of my friends start pulling my leg) just lack some basic level of common sense plus are never decent when they have to interact with people of their own sex. And because of that, I had to bear the brunt of their angst and fury if they encountered any problem in shifting.. Imagine, a person having around 3 years of exp in industry coming down at me saying that her ac remote has been stolen.. Common man, am I responsible for something being stolen from your room. You have the room keys with you, you let your room open.. but it was my responsibility .. good.. I am helping you out guys and if you lost it.. we can sort it out.. but coming down and shouting for this.. I already feel sad for whoever her husband would be..
Then there was this girl who came to me and asked for the keys for her room just as I was eating something in the cafeteria.. Oh yes.. I am supposed to carry all the room keys to cafeteria .. Its like keys would value add to the taste of the food.. girl, give me a break.. at least let me have my cup of tea.. I asked her to meet me in hostel and she doesn’t turn up take the key.. Oops .. was it like she expected me to come to cafeteria with her keys and give her the keys there?.. leave it chalo…
One girl had a broken key ring, the implication of which was that by seeing the key, you couldn’t tell which room it belonged to.. I asked the girls who had given me that key so that I can mark it with designated room no. No response.. I then tallied for all the keys for all the rooms and after half an hour came to know of the room for that key.. When I asked the occupant of the room about it.. She was like .. Oops.. I forgot.. Oops my foot!!

Okay .. some of you would now be like.. Been there done that.. Whats new in it.. everybody faces such kind of issues.. and its really irritating to read somebody doling out crap about some crappy people.. what the hell .. I don’t even give a shit if there r some ppl like that..

Brickbats are welcomed.. Infact I need one of them to bang my head against them.. Coz I am going crazy living with the shit around me..

P.S Hoping to have a thought provoking.. or humorous, lively post next time.. pakka..
BTW, I know I’ll still help those girls.. and not all are bad.. Some are Saatvik.. Some are Raajsik.. and I am the sheep lion ;) .. no I am the loon.. talking such crazy stuff..

Hi5 Again!!

2008-09-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know that it is not right to live in a fantasy world and to get out of my illusions - I must know 5 things that I would like to do before I die, So here they are ..not necessarily priority wise..
Vaise 5 is such a small number for a to - do list but then have decided upon this figure so here they are:

1. Read all the books that I have always wanted to.. and that includes all literature ever written.. Hindi.. English.. Bengali.. etc heck yaar.. Eng/Hindi literature ka course kyu ni kar leti DU se.. * sigh *

2. Perform on a rock concert where I am playing drums.Oh yeah.. guitar was my first choice initially but have tried my hands on it and it is very difficult.. wont be possible for me in this lifetime.. so drums.. and just thinking about female drummer gives me a nice feeling.. Women emancipation types.. huh!! don't ask me why !! and yes, this feeling has grown after watching ROCK on!! playing drums wali pheeling!! * wink*

3. Go an an all paid by somebody * gives a devilish smile * -- ok, that somebody can be my own ABN AMRO account - cruise or all month around the world type of trip in
full luxury and 5 places that I would like to visit (* head going in circles (mujhe chakkar aa rahe hai )as this is now loop in the loop ) - Australia - Miami - lakshwadeep - Las Vegas - San Jose ( this is where my company HQ is - Please company walo , ek baar US bhej do - I would really like to meet those people whom i work with)

4. Write a novel (* seems like i am high on vodka*) yeah I know. creative juices have stopped flowing through me since engg fundas started to push themselves against me and my english too seems to be in shackles .. very pathetic.. wonder would it ever be possible for me to write a breathtaking fictional piece which would be on best seller list (* one more sigh*)

5. Get a patent or a Nobel Prize for some breathtaking research that would change the face of mankind - as I am writing this, me too feeling stupid but then ye idea tedha hai par mera hai.. tenuu ki..

The Falls

2008-07-01T01:46:00.000-07:00

Just read these lines from "The Falls" and thought of posting them:

Ariah to Royall -after Royall called off his marriage with Candace:
"A girl that pretty, you've let go. A girl with such pure, uncomplicated heart, and so --sweet"

"Christ sake , Mom! If I wanted a 'sweet' wife I'd marry a chocolate bunny. I'd go to bed with fucking Fannie Farmer!
I want a wife I can talk to, for Christ's sake. Talk to, and laugh with. A wife who's smarter than I am, not dumber. A wife for when I'm older, and ready. A wife who doesn't want me to get a 'real' job at a fucking chemical plant and destroy my fucking brain cells, what few I have. A wife who's -----talented . At some thing I'm not"

My parents arranged a meeting with a prospective guy this weekend.
I asked him what kind of girl he wanted ---
"A sweet simple understanding pretty and sensible girl"
--thats it!! Does her education n background dont matter??
"ahh yes.. she should be educated.. She should be able to teach my children well!!"

GRRRRRRRR!!!!!
All this from a Guy who was a DCE topper!

I guess I have to force myself to accept that my expectations could only be met through these bookish characters!! Real life people dont seem to have good brains!!

Whatever!!

2008-06-17T23:46:00.000-07:00

So now I started reading how to cool a dissatisfied mind etc stuff to ease out my worries.. Sometimes I really wonder when I hear views from some of my so called intellectual acquaintances say how their other half should be.
They say - they want a shy demure beautiful homely girl.. and yes she should not be of their intellectual level.. although they dont say this but they do want this..
Common, a dumb blonde like that - would ofcourse know how to keep your home beautiful but would you like spending your life with a dumb statue who wont even intellectually stimulate you, who you know would only be able to listen to your problems and not understand them and wont be able to help you with that.. who you know wont be able to teach your children the importance of studies.. she herself has hardly any academic feat to inspire.. is that what a life partner is for.. to look nice when she is beside your arm.. and not to share and understand you..

2 hoots to all those guys who are looking for a pretty face partner..

I dont want to go to a studio to click some matrimonial pics..

The guys who my father is talking to abt my marriage first want to see my photograph to consider me in their list.. and My dad wants me to go to a studio and click some nice pics..

Looks looks looks.. does that all matter when you are searching your partner..

Boohoo and one more hoo for you all!!

Confusions Cornucopia

2008-06-17T02:48:00.000-07:00

My life is full of confusions and self doubts right now [ what a pathetic way to start a blog post!! hmff ]
Na sachi.. I am not in my senses or so it seems with the way I am shaping up my life..
My dad is looking for Mr right for me.. and he is trying very hard to find the perfect one.. But every single person he comes up with and discusses with me.. I never seem satisfied.. I want him to try harder and find the best..

Now this is what is bothering me.. I want him to find the best while all my life when I had to do something for myself , I had settled for mediocrity instead of trying harder..
I settled for a mediocrity when I decided to join a State college instead of preparing for IIT..
I settled for mediocrity when I took up this Quality job when I know how much more I am capable of doing..
I settled for mediocrity.. I didnt try much..

and now when my father is trying for me.. I dont want to settle for mediocrity... When I was responsible for my own actions, Mediocrity was fine but when it is somebody else , It has to be the best!!

Have i stooped that low?? To expect from others what i am myself unable to achieve?

I dont want to marry .. not now.. but seeing so much efforts my dad is making, I dont want to him to be worried and troubled over all this... I am not sure if the next guy he brings, whether I would say yes and let him be relieved of all the tensions.. I dont know what am I going to do..
Uff .. so much confusions!!

2008-04-19T04:20:00.000-07:00

I am scared!!

I know it may sound foolsih to some people but i printed 200 pages of a book through the office printer and i am scared that i may get caught!!

There is this fear in my heart!! my heart beat is beating faster as still the paper is printing and its been 20 mins..
I just hope nobody come in here and checks out what i am doing..
and wat heck if they found who printed such a large copy from my IP!!

I dont know if main faaltu ki chinta kar rahi hoon..

I guess i have felt this fear before too!!

I dreamed four years back that i am sitting somewhere and all the people are racing and i feel that i cant compete with them.. i have lost..
I am way behind..
I feel like drowning myslef..
All have beaten me and i am left behind alone..

I am feeling the same sensation right now..

God.. i know what i am doing right now is not right but please be with me..
please stay with me!!

I know i would do this again!
But please God.. save me!!

Finally Off from office!!

2008-02-27T10:15:00.001-08:00

Hmmm.. so I am on a vacation now.. 2 days off actually from office and then Saturaday and Sunday.. that makes 4 complete days at Home.. yippees... 4 days of waking up at 12 or 1 ..hehe.. 4 days of not cooking food.. 4 days of just watching Tv.. chatting with Mom all day..
ahh.. i would also have to tolerate silly Pjs from my brother these 4 days.. but thats ok.. since Ihe tends to make us all on his silly Pjs..
and yes.. I would also be attending my best friend's wedding tomorrow.. awww... I think i am more xcited abt it that she must be.. We were together since Class 3rd.. n i couldnt beleive my ears when she said she is going to marry this month.. I mean i consider ourselves too young to marry :p
Ok .. Ok .. i realize sometimes that yes I am getting old.. since sometimes.. when i see a handsome guy n my heart skips a beat.. he usually turns out to be younger than me.. I guess I am getting old.. sigh.. I too should now say yes to my parents and start searching Mr right!!

God .. I wish I was a chameleon!!

2007-10-22T04:57:00.000-07:00

I had never thought that i would be writing a blog post out of frustration..
frustration coz my piece of code isnt working..
I want to punish all those Microsoft developers who made this stupid language asp where the code may be running a few moments ago and then it will stop working..
Its the third consecutive day that i am working on this stupid little code and it is playing hide and seek with me..
Why cant there be just one language in the world which all can speak write understand and that includes our biggest friends/ enemies - Computers!!!
How easy it is for computers to adapt to a new language and how difficult for us human beings to move from one to another..( every year there is a boom of a different language)
If anybody has an idea how to adapt to these changing languages.. please share it with me too..
Million thanks in advance!!

God .. i wish i was a chameleon!! ( if you understand what i mean here ...sigh [:(] )

2007-07-07T03:51:00.000-07:00

So..
this is my first post n i havent blogged till date..
yes.. i have seen blogs.. the one posted by my some of my collegues.. those who write just for putting down their stupid poems somewhere ..poems which otherwise nobody would care to read..

Lets see how this one turns out to be..

He who knows nothing thinks he knows everything